Progress and changes

I’ve officially been off Prozac for a little over a month now.  

Weaning off (this time) wasn’t bad as I did it extremely slowly.  I had the spins for a few weeks but that’s about it.

But now that I’m back to my baseline I’m noticing things that I don’t like.

First and foremost, I can’t focus.  My mind is constantly wandering and I grow bored with things far too easily.  Trying to keep up with my work has been a struggle, and even though I have a second bedroom that I can turn into an office, I’m trying to find an external place where I can go to shut out all distractions.

Secondly, my emotions are just below the surface these days.  The smallest things can fill me with rage or bring me to tears.  I feel… not unstable, but like I have an uneven surface.  Prozac smoothed out those bumps and made me feel like everything was going to be fine all the time.  Ironically, it’s what I used to say I hated about Prozac — that I felt sort of like a mood-less zombie.  Right now I miss Zombie Me.

I also stopped taking all supplements except Magnesium and Vit D.  Before, I was taking all sorts of homeopathic animal organ pills that propped up my energy levels throughout the day (which worked for sure), but were really expensive and reaching ridiculous levels, quantity-wise.  So my body is back to making its own energy, and that’s also an adjustment.

I’m basically having to re-learn how to be an unaltered human and it’s hard.

Also, I went (mostly) vegan.

It’s been three weeks since I watched a documentary that scared the pants off me for health reasons (“The Game Changers”, on Netflix) and caused me to get rid of any and all animal products in my apartment.  I had literally just gone grocery shopping to make a big pot of beef chili, and I ended up returning everything to the store.

The “mostly” part is built in because I know myself.  I’m human, I mess up (a lot) and I don’t want to count it as a failure if I slip up here and there.  I have slipped up a handful of times in the past three weeks and I got right back on the wagon afterward.  I think that knowing I have some wiggle room built in will help me succeed in the long term.

I already feel better and my fingers are slimming out.  I always notice that my fingers get bloated when I’m eating crap, which is weird, but it’s kind of my gauge.  Also, my sense of smell is better than ever, which isn’t always a good thing 😉  And my face used to be really oily all the time, but now it’s so dry that I have to moisturize it.  It’s a good problem to have.

I joined a strength-training program.

This week I went to the local gym and got weighed, measured, interviewed and evaluated so I could join their strength-training program.  It’s three classes per week of mostly weights with a little bit of cardio.  I’m going to try it for a bit and see if I want to stick with it or go for personal training.  I really like the trainer, and I think that’s important.  In my mind, personal training sessions were super scary and intimidating, but the trainer guy was super friendly and personable, and the gym was fairly non-threatening.  The last time I did a program like this, I saw results almost immediately, so I’m pretty excited to start.

I’m starting to plan the vacation of a lifetime.

I turn 40 next summer and my gift to myself is to vacation in South Korea for 2-3 weeks.  I was born there, adopted as a baby, and I’ve never been back.  This is a blog post for another time, but I’ll just say that it’s top of mind lately.  I’m frantically trying to learn the language and get my shit together before then.

More updates later.  Things are starting to gain traction and hopefully I’ll have more to say in the upcoming days, weeks and months.

xo.